Recovery: Learning to love myself, food, & eating treats!

    I felt it only fitting to add a birthday post, after all this is how it all started. My 29th Birthday came with some food struggles but also food victories! I was given the special opportunity to pick any restaurant in Lexington with an exception to eat my birthday dinner. Yet, I couldn’t. Why? Because it’s still overwhelming to eat out. Why? Because honestly, I wasn’t sure if I truly had it in me to eat my birthday dinner and dessert. I’m extremely thankful that someone near to my heart stepped in and took over the where! Because honestly I was getting nowhere. Eating that day, as much as I wanted to treat myself I knew I’d also be eating dessert and eating throughout the day leading up to dinner wasn’t the easiest. I ate. But it wasn’t the carefree food day I had hoped for.          Dinner ended up being at the perfect place. And I’m forever thankful for special people that constantly support me! See, I was encouraged to get dessert but in such a loving and supportive way. It w

One year ago today my journey was about to begin.  But I didn't know it.  A year ago today,  I was at my sickest.  See this picture. This is what the meter looked like after I had eaten worked out and eaten some more. It was this way for hours! It took at least 7 or 8 hours for this to improve to this! Even with all of this, I didn't realize I was sick.  To this day, I don't exactly know how I survived that day.  Instead, I made excuses.  I kept having to tell people I had eaten, which I had. But I kept justifying how little I had eaten.  I also kept telling people it was just because I had worked out with weights & just burnt a little more fat. No matter what everyone told me I didn't see it. It took me some time.  At least a week maybe a little longer.  But this was the day that set everything in motion.  This was also the day that I started subconsciously questioning the plan I had been following. It was the day that gave me questions, that ultimat

So it's been awhile since I've posted, but I've missed it and realized just how therapeutic it is to blog my journey. At times it's difficult to share, other times the good days are amazing! But a journey is full of highs and lows.  Last week, I did something that I thought I was strong enough to do.  Instead, I realized just how much farther I need to go and just how much work I have to make. Last week, I made the mistake of looking at the scale.  I looked at a number, it's effected me more than I'll admit right now. But know that a lot of spiraling backwards has taken place over the last week.  Even before last week, I don't see food as something to enjoy.  Honestly, I haven't enjoyed food in a very long time.  When I look at food, I see protein, carbs, and fat. I don't see the actual food.  I don't look for what I want, I look for what I'm "allowed" to have.  This is how my brain works.  My body doesn't know what it