Pizza! Did I eat it all?
Not every day will be perfect. Not every week will be a good one. This week has been hard. Some days I'm simply reminded that I'm not better. That I still have a long ways to go. Some times it's what and/or how someone says something that sends me spiraling a little backwards, other times it's how something fits, or just the thoughts that come with trying something on. It's hard and this week has been the hardest one in awhile.
But in the end, I'm still making progress. Sometimes it's just seeing or knowing that I'm not better and crying because I know I'm not better. Other times it's having a meal I wouldn't have had months ago. Sometimes it's just that I'm eating again.
I have restricted several foods. Some of them because I have to! Gluten and lactose issues make certain foods impossible to eat without getting sick. But other foods, I was told they are bad for me, I was told I shouldn't eat them. And I haven't. Some things I'm slowly eating. There's still a list of foods I simply won't eat yet. I'm fully aware I have a long ways to go! And maybe one day I'll share about that list, and hopefully one day I can say the list is gone!
Until then, I make slow progress. Yesterday I decided I wanted pizza! This is a hard food for me. Partly because I didn't eat it for about an entire year! And also because well, the whole gluten & lactose issues. Mellow Mushroom makes eating pizza possible for people like me. And while it's been months since I've had pizza and even longer since I've had it and not feel guilty (like post half marathon back in April, not guilty) I ate pizza!
This was my late lunch/early dinner after the game yesterday! It was delicious and I actually ate every bite. Will I eat pizza all the time? Nope. Am I trying to enjoy it again? Definitely! I love it. I miss it. And I enjoyed every bite yesterday. I didn't feel guilty. But I also had hit my step goal, hadn't eaten in a bit too long, and my other meal that day was perfect! See, not better, but progress. I still want all these reasons before I can enjoy it. But it was delicious. For the first time in a long time, I ate pizza and focused on the taste! It's been far too long since I've done that! That is more progress and happy progress than many of you realize. I enjoyed eating pizza yesterday and that is enough to put a smile on my face no matter how much work I still have left!
So for today I'll enjoy the small victory and keep working! Always one day at a time, one meal at a time, one thought, at a time!
But in the end, I'm still making progress. Sometimes it's just seeing or knowing that I'm not better and crying because I know I'm not better. Other times it's having a meal I wouldn't have had months ago. Sometimes it's just that I'm eating again.
I have restricted several foods. Some of them because I have to! Gluten and lactose issues make certain foods impossible to eat without getting sick. But other foods, I was told they are bad for me, I was told I shouldn't eat them. And I haven't. Some things I'm slowly eating. There's still a list of foods I simply won't eat yet. I'm fully aware I have a long ways to go! And maybe one day I'll share about that list, and hopefully one day I can say the list is gone!
Until then, I make slow progress. Yesterday I decided I wanted pizza! This is a hard food for me. Partly because I didn't eat it for about an entire year! And also because well, the whole gluten & lactose issues. Mellow Mushroom makes eating pizza possible for people like me. And while it's been months since I've had pizza and even longer since I've had it and not feel guilty (like post half marathon back in April, not guilty) I ate pizza!
This was my late lunch/early dinner after the game yesterday! It was delicious and I actually ate every bite. Will I eat pizza all the time? Nope. Am I trying to enjoy it again? Definitely! I love it. I miss it. And I enjoyed every bite yesterday. I didn't feel guilty. But I also had hit my step goal, hadn't eaten in a bit too long, and my other meal that day was perfect! See, not better, but progress. I still want all these reasons before I can enjoy it. But it was delicious. For the first time in a long time, I ate pizza and focused on the taste! It's been far too long since I've done that! That is more progress and happy progress than many of you realize. I enjoyed eating pizza yesterday and that is enough to put a smile on my face no matter how much work I still have left!
So for today I'll enjoy the small victory and keep working! Always one day at a time, one meal at a time, one thought, at a time!
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