Learning to Love Food Again


        Recovery requires learning to eat again.  It's about learning to enjoy food again and not let it control me! I continue to be a work in progress, but I'm making it. Evenings like tonight, remind me that I'm getting there.  One dessert won't destroy everything I've worked so hard for. IF I'm being honest, I should lift enough weights tomorrow to help burn it all off! (See still a work in progress). But I'm learning that I can have a rest day in the middle of the week, that it's okay to enjoy dinner, eat food, and not over analyze a menu.  Tonight was the first time in a very long time that I didn't take the time to look at a menu and overanalyze everything on it! Tonight I had one of my favorite foods at one of my favorite restaurants and even had dessert! My favorite one at that! It isn't something I'll do all the time, it was a late celebration, so there's still much more progress to be made.  I still had a reason to celebrate, I knew it was "safe" to eat because I'm slowly working out again.  But there was a part of me that didn't care.  And that was able to enjoy eating what I wanted. I truly enjoyed dinner. The friendship helped and made it a little more special.  I love being able to spend time with special friends and not focus on the food.  While making food social doesn't help everyone, it has helped me so much.  the friendship, the judgment free zone, knowing my friends aren't overanalyzing what I'm eating, and so much more. I enjoy  just being able to eat and it be just that, food.  Not something that is controlling me.  There were a few moments eating dessert that I thought I shouldn't eat this, but they were fleeting thoughts because I was enjoying catching up with a dear friend.  It didn't matter.  I didn't have time to overanalyze everything.  I don't always enjoy food just yet.  But nights like tonight, I'm reminded that one day I'll enjoy food again. But for now I'll enjoy those special meals, like this one where I'm able to enjoy food and friendship and not have my brain going in a million different directions about how many calories, carbs, fat grams, or protein that I'm consuming.  Thankful for friendship and enjoying food, even if it was just for a meal! I'll take my progress a meal at a time, as long as it's progress!

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