What Goes on Inside?: All Consuming Thoughts
As I continue reading "You are Not What you Weigh" I found the chapter that so far as hit me the most. The one that has made me think. The one that has opened my eyes just a little more. The one that reminds me I'm not alone. All too often I catch myself comparing myself to others. I'm comparing myself to people that have different body types than I do, people who are shorter or taller than I am, people who have different genetics, etc. We are each unique. None of us are exactly the same. No matter how was it is for me to compare and think I should be as skinny as or look like this person or that, I'm Amanda and I was created to look like I do, not to look like someone else. This has been one of the hardest lessons to grasp and even more to apply. I struggle with it and remind myself this isn't a competition, this is about me being healthy, physically and mentally. It's about me taking care of my body. It's about properly fueling myself and being the person I was created to be.
With all of this comes the constant worry and fear of food. With this comes the I shouldn't eat so I can look like that or I can't have this or I can't have that. Or what's the caloric count or what the breakdown of carbs to fat to protein? I've gotten really good at memorizing nutritional facts so that I know what I can and cannot eat. It was watching the clock to see when I could eat again because I wasn't eating enough and stayed hungry but couldn't eat again for a bit. It was watching the clock to make sure I had minimum amount of water and then some before the next hour when I had to start drinking more.
Then today I read this: "Do not think obsessively about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
This is version of Matthew 6:25 that defines worry. This is a version that speaks to me so much. This has been me for so very long! This has been my life. This has been what has consumed me the most for so long. Even though I'm making progress, it still consumes me far too much. I still focus more on food than anything else. Food consumes my thoughts more than I care to admit. So does my weight and how much I still think I need to lose because I know I've gained a few pounds. Today I was reminded just how important it is for me to quit being consumed by these thoughts. Having it worded slightly different stepped on my toes, but in the best of ways. I'm working on it and I'll have this as a reminder every day. Because for me it's one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time!
I'll get there, it will just take some time.
With all of this comes the constant worry and fear of food. With this comes the I shouldn't eat so I can look like that or I can't have this or I can't have that. Or what's the caloric count or what the breakdown of carbs to fat to protein? I've gotten really good at memorizing nutritional facts so that I know what I can and cannot eat. It was watching the clock to see when I could eat again because I wasn't eating enough and stayed hungry but couldn't eat again for a bit. It was watching the clock to make sure I had minimum amount of water and then some before the next hour when I had to start drinking more.
Then today I read this: "Do not think obsessively about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
This is version of Matthew 6:25 that defines worry. This is a version that speaks to me so much. This has been me for so very long! This has been my life. This has been what has consumed me the most for so long. Even though I'm making progress, it still consumes me far too much. I still focus more on food than anything else. Food consumes my thoughts more than I care to admit. So does my weight and how much I still think I need to lose because I know I've gained a few pounds. Today I was reminded just how important it is for me to quit being consumed by these thoughts. Having it worded slightly different stepped on my toes, but in the best of ways. I'm working on it and I'll have this as a reminder every day. Because for me it's one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time!
I'll get there, it will just take some time.
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